Interview with the data vampire

mot-bile: 'Thank you, Mark Zuckerberg, for accepting this exclusive fake interview at our Agence Fausse Presse'

Mark Zuckerberg: 'Actually, I thought that was yet another subpoena, but now that I'm here, I might as well answer'.

mb: 'Well so far, you didn't provide many answers to European or American judges and committees. Apologies, yes, solutions, not really. Seriously, after all the scandals and bad press surrounding you and Facebook, do you still believe you can become President some day?'

MZ: 'Facebook helped a very despicable man get the job once, why not twice? I'm only 34, and by Clinton standards, probably 'likable enough'. Plus, if I'm using Definers Public Affairs to get at George Soros' throat, I don't need Cambridge Analytica to get into your head. By the way, you're a very troubled person.'

mb: 'Takes one to know one, thank you. You're not as publicly weird as say Elon Musk, but there's at least some cold aspergersian nerdness in you. And obviously, you don't seem to mind playing, like Bill Gates in the 80s, the role of the supreme techno-villain with pervasive reach.'

MZ: 'I learned everything from him, including the pseudo philanthropic narrative involving our best halves. While the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation helps Monsanto infiltrate Africa, our Chan Zuckerberg Initiative basically serves as a vehicle to remote control Facebook, and the human population that comes with it, while Sheryl Sandberg takes most bullets.'

mb: 'So you control Facebook, even when you say it's impossible to control it.'

MZ: 'We're working on it, and A.I. helps a lot. All humans have to do is to give up all control, so that we can ultimately get the most holistic systems to monitor them.'

mb: 'The thing is you're also giving up all moral standards. I mean, how far lower can it go now, after your latest underage bride auction?'

MZ: 'Never underestimate human lowness. You don't want to know what happens every day on Facebook.'

mb: 'But you do. And even when you don't, you monetize it. I wonder which ads ran for the bidders during that sick auction.'

MZ: 'There are bad guys out there, but we're not totally evil. If China blocks us, that's because we herald Western freedom.'

mb: 'If China blocks you, that's because they envy your alienating system, and want to develop their own blend of behavioral control.'

MZ: 'China's Social Credit system will never be as popular as Facebook. They can become even more pervasive and amoral than us if they want, it's fundamentally bad for business to let your users know how much it costs them actually.'


mot-bile 2018